Brian Crawford

The website of Brian Anthony Crawford

Brian Crawford

Writing fun

Last night I attended a meeting of the Celebration Writers’ Group at the library here in town. It was the third Monday of the month, which meant one of the group members led writing activities for the other members to everyone could practice their writing skills and kick their creative juices into a higher gear.

The final activity of the evening involved writing about what happens to a secondary character when the first character has left the scene. As an example, in a given Harry Potter book, when Harry Potter goes off to Hogwarts, what might the Dursleys do? What would the day following Harry’s departure look like from Dudley’s point of view?

Most members wrote excerpts of fiction, some from the points of views of secondary characters in the stories or novels they have been working on. We were only given 20 minutes to complete the task, so I had to come up with something up pretty quickly. Here’s what I whipped up:

Six of us were standing guard upon that fateful night
I held onto a gun, but didn’t really want to fight

Honestly, I knew my boss was acting kinda shady
But I needed cash so I could take out my old lady

Me and John and his friend Ron were standing in a row
Nearby stood Jack and Wilbur, and some guy I didn’t know

My boss was in his room conducting some godawful plan
Something about a warhead, ransom money, and Japan

So anyway…

I’m standing guard, feeling bored, wishing I had some Scotch
Ron is standing near me busy scratching at his crotch

Jack and John are talking about something really deep
Wilbur’s eyes are closed, that lazy ass is fast asleep

Then suddenly I hear a shout, a gunshot, and a groan
It’s from the guy I’ve never met who’s playing with his phone

His shirt is white, but on his chest, I see a big red spot
And next to him, on Wilbur, there’s a bright red laser dot

“Look out!” I yell, and thinking fast, I dive out of the way
A hail of gunfire sounds and hot lead bullets start to spray

There’s a guy in suit and tie who’s carrying a gun
And in a British accent he says, “there’s nowhere to run!”

He shoots Ron in the head, and then his gun, it starts to click
Is he out of bullets? Or is this some sort of a trick?

Jack and John jump on him, but this British guy is fast
Somehow he breaks their necks, and time is running out real fast

Inside the room my boss is mad, and he shouts “What’s the fuss?”
“That spy is here!” shouts Wilbur, “and he’s kicking all our butts!”

Then Wilbur’s down, there’s only me, and now I’m facing death
I’m not a real henchman, I’m trained as a pastry chef

The spy, he aims, and takes a shot, and shoots me in the toe
I yell and wail like I’ve been dealt a terminal death blow

I fall, and flail, and flop around, just like a dying trout
I guess I musta fooled him ‘cause he doesn’t take me out

He left and went to kill my boss, so this is my last verse
They call me Toeless Joe now, but it could have been much worse!

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